Monday, May 10, 2010

Tableaux



I finally did a show with the Tableaux. They were ready, mature, since last year, but I wanted to show them all ( or almost all). I did. It looks good, it felt good. But now, its empty again, this feeling of having to start all over.
I question myself thinking of all those who went, what did they see, understand, feel, liked? disliked?
I guess I'll never know. Meanwhile, just beggining all over to produce a new body of work in a very dry and worried moment.
...

Monday, April 12, 2010

Aniversario # 5


Mi blog secreto tiene 5 años. Nació en Abril del 2005!!!

No he sido digamos consistente consistente... pero hacer algo por 5 años seguidos tiene su mérito.

Me encanta leer lo escrito, revisarlo como quien se encuentra con un diario viejo. Me encanta tener un pedacito de mi colgando por el espacio.

Me encanta encontrar-me en este blog.

Me hace sonreir, y darme una palmadita, aunque a ver si el próximo lustro logro aplicarme más.

Celebro mi cumple-blog con una foto tomada hace un mes en la famosa esquina Haight-Ashbury de San Francisco.




Wednesday, February 10, 2010

case scenarios


1. we ask what will happen tomorrow
2.we force our destiny towards where we think we need to
3.we stay as we are, waiting every day for the next, no further actions taken
4.we live here thinking of being there
5.we live there thinking we are here
6.we don´t move
7.we plan, yet leaving open space for abrupt last minute-hour-year changes
8.we take actions, with no specific directions.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

new year, second day, second month...


it seems like ages since i wrote here. have had so many things to say, but haven´t said them. its a whole new year ahead, brand new months comin´, already one has left, and I'm still in slow motion, as if time would wait for me, as if all the days are waiting for me to wake up.. no! they just come and go, and nothing waits for me to catch up... but here i am slowly, slowly...
i just have the feeling that each and every post i've written is about nothing else, actually, about nothing in concrete, but about time passing, me not being able to grasp it, me getting anxious about time passing, me worrying about my kids growing, about all that i did and did not do...

i can´t say i will do new things, or stop worrying about time, i can´t say that i will be super energetic and strong in the new coming months and posts, but i can say that i somewhat feel stronger and even in my weakest days, as today, i feel i can. i just can´t procrastinate anymore. that´s for sure.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

meses vuelan




I began looking at some work and photographs of certain places and events this year, and realized that my summer, that seemed just yesterday, was already gone four months ago, and events or jobs I did, that I recall as being very recent, were from February. Time flies and I'm not being very good at catching it... It seems its all going faster and faster, and I feel I need to be extremely organized in all, to be on top of everything I need to do. Here are some bouganvilleas I shot in the summer at their high peak of the season, when all my street was surrounded by beatiful colors.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

BLOG ACTION DAY


my daughter adriana´s poem on animal and natural protection
( 7 years old)

animals and nature

we have to take care of nature, or else it will die
we have to take care of nature, or else we will die
we need to recycle paper, or else we will run out of trees
we have to take care of animals, or else they will also die
plants are also important because they help us breath.

Monday, September 21, 2009

apunte sobre el miedo

anoche antes de dormir le pregunté a uri:
¿ nunca tienes miedo?
el me respondió:
no, siempre existe una salida o solución para todo.

por eso (y por mil quinientas razones mas) lo amo

Thursday, September 17, 2009

lo que echaría de menos


soy nómada.
cuando decido irme a alguna parte, siempre sé que no me quedaré por siempre, siempre fantaseo con el volverme a ir, con el llegar de nuevo. no es fácil, y cada vez incluso lo es menos. el desgaste es tremendo y las consecuencias vivenciales son brutales, para lo bueno y para lo malo.
dieciocho años de nomadismo, caracas-newyork-barcelona-miami-?
ahora fantaseo con la salida de miami. quiero hacer una lista de lo que extrañaré sin falta:
-el verde, el verde, el verde... abrir los ojos y rodearlos de verde
-la playa turquesa de miami beach
-marcel, nuestro profesor de piano
-la luz de setiembre
-las tormentas que vienen como hordas
-no tener distancia horaria con caracas
-estar en america
-cerca de ny
-la comodidad
-la secadora de ropa
-el horno gigante
-whole foods
-las calles del grove
-soñar con piscinas
-el espacio
-la lluvia torrencial bendita, bendita
-la magnitud del cielo y sus colores
-mi mamá cerca
-mi hermano cerca
-anthtropologie, sin duda
-cupcakes
-cinnamon rolls
-fresas y tomates de los Knauser
-tardes eternas de playa
-las risas de los amigos en la madrugada, en mi terraza
-asados argentinos
-ilusiones de triunfar
-soñar con comprar los muebles que quiero
-mi yoga master
-plymouth
-el anonimato

todo por ahora. podrá crecer, esta lista
¿ me estoy preparando?

Friday, May 22, 2009

quedándote o yéndote

como dice una vieja canción de spinetta.

la verdad es que pensar en idas y retornos es complicado. pero siento que estoy de nuevo con las ideas de cambio. y quizás es por eso precisamente que no logro asentarme, porque cuando siento que ya estoy adaptada, y que ya conozco la situación, etc.. me quiero volver a ir. es como un contínuum, un mar de olas grandes y pesadas.

el caso es que fantaseo con volver a barcelona. no sé si es por la crisis mundial, el sistema de salud pública o por mi propia fantasía de encontrar el lugar ideal, que nos funcione a todos de muchas maneras y ángulos.

comienzo así listas mentales que repasan una por una, razones por las que me fui de barcelona, razones por las que me iría de miami, razones por las que me quiero quedar acá, razones por las que me quisiera ir. los niños, el futuro, ¿qué es mejor para ellos? ¿qué les dará más oportunidad de hacer una vida estable, sana, arraigada? lo del arraigo creo que es la clave. yo no lo tengo, me lo quitaron. ese es el problema. cuando uno no tiene más país, uno no puede sentirse de ninguna parte y por otra parte se siente un poco de todos lados. más triste aún cuando el país de uno, sólo queda en la memoria colectiva e individual.

divago por estos territorios. no es fácil vivir siempre pensando que hubieras queriendo volver y sabiendo que no puedes ni podrás.
mientras tanto, se vive.. intentando de ubicarse en el presente y no llorándo la nostalgia ni soñando los futuros perfectos.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

lista para el verano?

lúdicas:

- preparar colección de estampillas
- tejer el gorrito morado a adriana
- leer
- montar bicicleta
- hacer ejercicio
- ordenar y poner al día álbumes y fotos familiares

no lúdicas:

- preparar videos para web page
- organizar discos duros
- preparar south florida consortium grant
- organizar archivo obra
- pintar la casa
- arreglar el jardin, las plantas, etc...
- organizar archivo casa
- limpiar todas las bibliotecas y armarios
-

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

of all the things

of all the things i really miss of not living in barcelona, the one i miss the most  is my daily contact with my beloved al & al, my uncles. i think about them all the time, i miss them, crave their contact, wiseness, spirit and i always think of them as a model, sample of dignity, of strenght, courage and wisdom. i wish to age as them, loving and caring for each other for more than 40 years.
they are a great story, a  small great life.
i can feel their energy even here, at the other side of the atlantic. 
i will miss visiting this summer, catching the 17 bus from balmes to barceloneta, our long walks from  the malecón to the port olimpic...  i will have to wait for next year to be with them
recession is a crappy thing.... 

Monday, March 02, 2009

lives i could have lived


-a cello player, a musician in the jordi savall concert des nations orchestra
-a rolling stones magazine photographer traveling worldwide
-a scholar from a very prestigious university .yale, harvard, mit, columbia. reading and writing.
-an actress. theater, ny, off-off broadway
-a chef working at a small rest. in southern france
-a writer, tormented, using a olivetti 32 typewriter
-a very rich wife with a gorgeous house, full of wonderful furniture and my chair collection

those i can think of today...


Monday, February 02, 2009

febrero de nuevo


otra vez aqui, febrero
aqui ordenando, revisando y tratando de darle sentido a los días que vuelan.
el orden es fundamental, orden estricto, definitivo, con ligeras flexibilidades ocasionales, pero me es importante lograr saber donde está todo.
asi ando...

en febrero, otra vez...


Thursday, January 08, 2009

éste enero...


la cabeza revolotea sin parar, oye y no oye, se detiene en un punto, piensa en escribir, para luego seguir y no dejar de moverse. las ideas aplastan, atropellan, hacen ruido y no me dejan sino quedarme como paralizada. el año arranca y yo aun estoy entendiendo qué pasó, cómo hacer para montarme en el 2009 con alegría, con esperanza, y entusiasmo. como si de un dia para el siguiente, las cosas fueran a cambiar.., de 31 a 1 es lo mismo que de 44 a 45 y lo mismo que del 2008 al 2009. dia tras dia,...sucesiones imparables. hay algunos a quienes el corazón se les para, mientras duermen, antes de que amanezca. habemos otros que deseamos un poco de silencio y no lo encontramos. asi es, todo es igual y diferente...siempre.

Monday, December 08, 2008

BEFORE 2009 BEGINS





I had made arrangements with myself to achieve many items on a list when this year started. I am shifting subtly this idea towards the begining of te new year. I intend to accomplish some things  from now till the new year begins. I hope I can deliver as I haven´t been good at it during the previous 330 and so days..
Here it goes:
-organize my living room ( meaning to change the furniture/distribution, as well as the working area)
-paint the entrance
-rack the leaves from the entrance, hall and parking area
-write down every trip I´ve done since I moved to the US ( needed for citizenship purposes)
-see Marina and give her her gifts
-organize my studio/archive/closets
-finish reading the books I am at now
-go to the doctor
-go to the dentist
If I write more, I would be lying. Im not even sure I will do all of these.
Lets leave it up to here. There is more time than life.
Wishful thinking is a goal.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

100


I secretly LOVE hula seventy blog. It is DEFINETLY the 
MOST inspiring, nurturing, exquisite, amazing, beautiful blog EVER. It has made me cry and laugh out loud more than once,  it has inspired me, given me ideas, taught me things... and a HUGE LONG etc. I say secretly because I have written MANY letters to Andrea, its intellectual owner, but never dared to post them,  thinking it was too dumb, rare, awkward, and she could envision me as a freak by declaring love to a BLOG. What I love the most, I guess, is all that she does/likes/has is like a wished mirror of me. Not that I want to be ANOTHER, or different, but I can´t believe there are two souls that see/thinks/does things so alike. ( Except from blogging, area in which I fail tremendously!)

Last week she made another wonderful LIST that I considered myself memed ( is it memed? ) anyway, here it goes...

1. chocolate
2. smell of my kids
3. mozarella
4. wine
5. typewriters
6. Lp´s
7. art books
8. shoes & boots
9. antique jewelery
1o. new notebooks
11. calligraphic ink pens
12. leather bags
13. earrings
14. cookies
15. crayons
16. pizza
17. white bed sheets
18. antique linings
19. silverware
20. bracelets
21.  rings
22. old desk supplies
23. photographic paper
24. nail polish
25. Botticelli´s paintings
26. incense
27. candles
28. old cameras
29. love stories
30. ipod
31. lipsticks
32. must de cartier
33. cannon g9
34. ex votos
35. fashion magazines
36. 50-60-70´s furniture
37. velvet
38. spanish fans
39. vanilla cupcakes with frosting
40. old photographs
41. dictionaries
42. nature books
43. art museums
44. nyc
45. vintage stores
46. lavander
47. fresh spinach
48. baking
49. pajamas and night gowns
50. roses
51. long hair
52. black eye liner, smokey
53. french
54. scarves and gloves
55. brushing my teeth
56. corals and shells
57. dreams
58. music boxes
59. trees, all kinds of big trees
60. silver things
61. jackets
62. children stories
63. internet
64. flip flops
65. body and face creams
66. scones 
67. bare foot
68. forests
69. bicycles
70. peackoks
71. mountains
72. mediterranean blue
73. plane tickets
74. big paper store bags
75. art supplies
76. vases
77. bed covers
78. boxes 
79. diaries
80. tableware
81. kitchen utensils
82. smell of fresh laundry
83. gourmet stores
84. fiat/seat cinquecento
85. new cities
86. supermarkets
87. words
88. calculators
89. round stones
90. ivy
91. blogs
92. other people photos
93. my photos
94. music
95. old peuter objects
96. lilies
97.  st. germain scented candles
98. mac book pro
99. purple
100. secrets


Monday, October 06, 2008

MUDE

Mude, mas comece devagar,
porque a direção é mais importante
que a velocidade.
Sente-se em outra cadeira,
no outro lado da mesa.
Mais tarde, mude de mesa.
Quando sair,
procure andar pelo outro lado da rua.
Depois, mude de caminho,
ande por outras ruas,
calmamente,
observando com atenção
os lugares por onde
você passa.
Tome outros ônibus.
Mude por uns tempos o estilo das roupas.
Dê os teus sapatos velhos.
Procure andar descalço alguns dias.
Tire uma tarde inteira
para passear livremente na praia,
ou no parque,
e ouvir o canto dos passarinhos.
Veja o mundo de outras perspectivas.
Abra e feche as gavetas
e portas com a mão esquerda.
Durma no outro lado da cama…
depois, procure dormir em outras camas.
Assista a outros programas de tv,
compre outros jornais…
leia outros livros,
Viva outros romances.
Não faça do hábito um estilo de vida.
Ame a novidade.
Durma mais tarde.
Durma mais cedo.
Aprenda uma palavra nova por dia
numa outra língua.
Corrija a postura.
Coma um pouco menos,
escolha comidas diferentes,
novos temperos, novas cores,
novas delícias.
Tente o novo todo dia.
o novo lado,
o novo método,
o novo sabor,
o novo jeito,
o novo prazer,
o novo amor.
a nova vida.
Tente.
Busque novos amigos.
Tente novos amores.
Faça novas relações.
Almoce em outros locais,
vá a outros restaurantes,
tome outro tipo de bebida
compre pão em outra padaria.
Almoce mais cedo,
jante mais tarde ou vice-versa.
Escolha outro mercado…
outra marca de sabonete,
outro creme dental…
tome banho em novos horários.
Use canetas de outras cores.
Vá passear em outros lugares.
Ame muito,
cada vez mais,
de modos diferentes.
Troque de bolsa,
de carteira,
de malas,
troque de carro,
compre novos óculos,
escreva outras poesias.
Jogue os velhos relógios,
quebre delicadamente
esses horrorosos despertadores.
Vá a outros cinemas,
outros cabeleireiros,
outros teatros,
visite novos museus.
Se você não encontrar razões para ser livre,
invente-as.
Seja criativo.
E aproveite para fazer uma viagem
despretensiosa,
longa, se possível sem destino.
Experimente coisas novas.
Troque novamente.
Mude, de novo.
Experimente outra vez.
Você certamente conhecerá coisas melhores
e coisas piores do que as já conhecidas,
mas não é isso o que importa.
O mais importante é a mudança,
o movimento,
o dinamismo,
a energia.
Só o que está morto não muda !
Repito por pura alegria de viver:
"A salvação é pelo risco, sem o qual a vida não
vale a pena!!!! " 
Clarise Lispector
 
Edson Marques

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

liviandad de pensamiento


Every time I meet with my friend R. I leave feeling myself light and full of energy, positive and  hopeful! This is some quality that really I admire: the capacity of transmitting all these emotions/ feelings to people, as opposed to those people that drain your energy, thoughts and leave you like angry, tired and hopeless.  I have to learn how to not give my time and energy to the second type of people.  

Thursday, August 28, 2008

dilemma


i am basically an artist that is at war with the art system. i debate myself whether i should continue or not producing art. for whom is this work intended to be made? who will actually see, enjoy, learn -and on the best case scenario, get something from that piece?  these questions have no answers. as i become more and more nihilistic, the needs of sharing ideas and putting new imagery out there looses meaning. but on the other way around, it seems i can never stop or quit making art. that is the dilemma.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

back


i´m back
i have been traveling for 51 days. 
i have thought many many things
specially about belonging and being.
heard many stories
saw lots of people
seeming my life has moved so much forward i wonder if i can go back at any given moment to the place i left
i guess not

i wont make a priority of an option
my present is here and we only have this.

artwork by a recently discovered artist: eva armisén, wonderful.
it is like her thoughts are in my mind.only that she paints them



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